Exorcizing my Nicodemons

First, I have to say I had an amazing weekend. The weather was gorgeous, and I went the whole weekend without smoking a cigarette.

I already had plans to go to Oktoberfest, and although the quitting tips say to limit drinking in your first weeks, there was no way I was going to miss it. Instead, I decided to face my Nicodemons head on and eradicate them all in one day.

The first Nicodemon: Coffee + Cigarette

This is a tough one because the first taste of coffee brings that rush to have a cig. I fought this craving, though, and successfully drank coffee without smoking a cigarette. I had a major headache (must have been my day 3 peak withdrawal), and I knew caffeine would help without taking pain killers and ruining my liver during my drink fest later. It was easier because I was walking down the sidewalk, getting ready to dance my ass off to some Outpost. Score: Me 1, Nicotine 0.

The second Nicodemon: Cigarette + Food

I suppose I had been exorcising this one all along. It's major today because I ate too much, and that bursting feeling goes away with a cigarette. I just let it ride, and told myself to eat less now that I don't have cigarettes to save me from this feeling. Score: Me 2, Nicotine 0.

The third Nicodemon: Cigarette + Beer

This is by far the most difficult exorcism of all. When I tried to quit the last few times this was always my downfall. There's this feeling you get while drinking that makes you smoke more than normal. For some reason, I didn't really get this feeling. I should have because I was sufficiently trashed, but I was fine with being just trashed and not smoking. I Phoned a Friend to keep my mouth moving, but all in all I think drinking and smoking no longer go together in my life. Score: Me 3, Nicotine 0.

I'm and all or nothing kind of chick. This is why I decided to challenge myself with all of these smoking scenarios. This is contrary to everything I read, talking about baby steps. This was especially true of drinking, and I knew it would be my biggest challenge. I did it though, and now I feel there is no turning back.

I'm trying to figure out why this has been so easy for me this time around. Maybe it's because I know I need to, maybe it's my roommate's snarky comment, maybe it's just me being tired of the Nicodemons controlling me. Whatever it is, I am very happy that I have made it this far. It hasn't really even been a week yet, so maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but I made it through some of the toughest smoking situations this weekend. From here, it only goes up.

I read a lot about quitting before I took the plunge. There is a lot of good information out there, but I think what helped me most is seeing my smoking as a drug addiction. Although it doesn't really seem like a full-blown drug addiction, nicotine is just as addictive as heroin. Seeing smoking for what it really is made me realize that cigarettes were controlling aspects of my life. I've never gotten addicted to a major "destructive" drug like meth or heroin, but I was addicted to a drug nonetheless. It seems almost weird to think of it that way, to think of smoking like I'm addicted to heroin, but that is what has helped the most. Knowing that smoking is destructive to the body in so many ways, it's expensive, and really, there isn't a point to it. The only reason I continued to smoke was to kill time, be able to go outside and take a break from work, etc. Now that I realize that this is a drug addiction and it will take time to learn to live without it, not smoking looks better each day.

It's funny because I feel better too, I almost feel more motivated. I got off the bus one stop early this morning, and I may do two stops tomorrow. I feel like now that I've broken the smoking chain, exercising will come much easier, and I know that exercising will be important to controlling the other cravings I have now. It's easy to substitute smoking with food, but that's also something to avoid. I am trying, but it's harder than I thought. I suppose gaining some weight is better than smoking, and as exercising becomes more appealing I will balance out.

So here's to a life of being smoke-free. I'm ready for it now.