Rant No. 3: Living with Boys

I could go on and on and on about my frustrations with boys, but this blog will be about living with them.

I live with a just-over 30 gay man. I thought that this would mean I was out of boy territory. Logic would say that this man would have his shit together and contribute accordingly. Wrong.

I've known him for quite a while. He's always lived with super-nasty boys, and I just thought that those super-dirty boys trashed the house just as fast as he could clean it. Wrong again.

Fuck. He's as lazy as a bear during hibernation. Although when prompted he cleans the house, and is always good to do the dishes on one of his two days off (which leaves 6 days for me), he doesn't take the initiative. All he does is sit all home all day on his days off, you would think that doing dishes wouldn't be so difficult. It usually only happens on one of the days though, which to me is ridiculous.

The garbage and recycling is what pisses me off most. I think he's taken the garbage out maybe 3-5 times since we moved in March. I try to leave it in there as long as I can to see if he will take it out on his day off, but alas. How fucking hard is it to grab the trash, walk it down the driveway during a cigarette break, and then put a new trash bag in? It's not! I do it all the time and I don't even take cigarette breaks any more. Oh, and he's never taken the recycling out, mostly because he doesn't even believe in recycling. I can see if you don't believe in something then you don't want to do it, but He-sus! (I always pronounce this in the Spanish way, hence the semi-phonetic spelling.) It's just a little more difficult than taking out the garbage. I guess at least he throws his recyclables into the bin.

Other things he doesn't believe in? Conserving water. He will let the water run and run and run for no apparent reason at all. It's just laziness of turning the nob off and then back on again I guess. He even said to me, when I asked him why he left the water running, "why not since we don't pay for it." Ugh! I wanted to fucking punch him in the face after saying that.

He also takes things out of the refrigerator, does his business with them, all while leaving the refrigerator door wide open. There's no reason for this, except to let all the cool air escape and piss me off. It's not just a couple of seconds. I've seen this go on for a good minute. Ridiculous.

He does contribute more than any other boy roommate I've had. But those boys had an excuse -- they were 20-something college students. Of course they will be lazy and make me clean the house and wash all their dishes every fucking time (all while saying "I was going to do those" as I'm staring at two overflowing sinks full of nasty, weeks-old dishes).

Ugh!

Aahhhhh. I feel better. Now I think I won't have to go fucking crazy on his ass because I've gotten my frustrations out in some way. Let's hope this feeling holds.

My Weekend in Pictures

One of my most favorite friends came to visit this past weekend. We had a blast, and of course ended up getting out in nature. We even did a nice hike near Multnomah Falls. Here's a few of my favorite pictures from our adventures.

The Japanese Garden

There were huge Koi swimming in the ponds. It was very difficult to capture the fish with my slow digital camera. This picture turned out pretty nice, though.

I was glad when I saw that my camera actually picked up the pattern in the sand. I wish the middle areas had grass, but it is still a beautiful scene.

The Rose Garden

This is by far my favorite picture. I just have a simple digital camera, but it did an amazing job at capturing the roses up close. Even the dew looks great.

I thought this rose looked like candy. The colors remind me of salt water taffy. The International Rose Test Garden is so beautiful when in bloom. I forgot how big it was.

Wahkeena and Multnomah Falls Hike

This is the bottom of Wahkeena Falls. Apparently Wahkeena is an American Indian word for Most Beautiful. It certainly was a gorgeous site during our hike in the Columbia River Gorge area.

This is, of course, Multnomah Falls -- the highest falls in Oregon. Luckily, my friend didn't want to hike all the way to the top, which is the worst hike I have ever done. The hike to this bridge isn't so bad, though.

A Spicy Life is a Good Life Indeed

I'm talking here about spices, but there is nothing wrong with a hot-spicy dish.

I'm a self-professed food junkie. Not only do I love eating good food, I love watching other people make delicious food and then eat it. On those lazy weekend mornings I love to flip on the TV and watch Giada, The Neelys, or Tyler. The Food Network is an amazing thing, and people like Alton Brown make it that much better.

His show, Good Eats, is a fun way to not only learn about cooking food, but also just learn about that food's history, best cooking methods, etc. He's doing his third version of Feasting on Asphalt, only this time he is sailing through the Caribbean and Feasting on Waves.

The show is great, as it is mostly just an impromptu look at island food and culture. At the end of one of the segments on the last episode, it had this little note at the bottom that made my brain wheels start turning:

"The geopolitical shape of our planet is greatly determined by mankind's pursuit of spices."

I've never really thought about spices before. I mean, they come in bottles, I buy them, and I use them to spice up my food. I slightly remember learning about the Spice Trade in school but haven't given it a second thought since then -- until now.

This phrase made me consult Wikipedia for more information about spices and why they were so important in shaping the world as it is today.

A Historical Overview

"Civilizations of Asia were involved in spice trade from the ancient times, and the Greco-Roman world soon followed by trading along the Incense route and the Roman-India routes. The Roman-Indian routes were dependent upon techniques developed by the maritime trading power, Kingdom of Axum (ca 400s BC–AD 1000s) which had pioneered the Red Sea route before the 1st century. When they encountered Rome (circa 30 BCE– 10 CE) they shared knowledge of riding the Monsoons of the route on to Rome, keeping a cordial relationship with one another until the mid-seventh century, when the rise of Islam closed off the overland caravan routes through Egypt and the Suez, and sundered the European trade community from Axum and India. Arab traders eventually took over conveying goods via the Levant and Venetian merchants to Europe until the rise of the Ottoman Turks."

The Middle Ages
"Spices were among the most luxurious products available in Europe in the Middle Ages, the most common being black pepper, cinnamon (and the cheaper alternative cassia), cumin, nutmeg, ginger and cloves. They were all imported from plantations in Asia and Africa, which made them extremely expensive. From the 8th until the 15th century, the Republic of Venice had the monopoly on spice trade with the Middle East, and along it with the neighboring Italian city-states. The trade made the region phenomenally rich. It has been estimated that around 1,000 tons of pepper and 1,000 tons of the other common spices were imported into Western Europe each year during the Late Middle Ages. The value of these goods was the equivalent of a yearly supply of grain for 1.5 million people.

"A popular modern-day misconception is that medieval cooks used liberal amounts of spices, particularly black pepper, merely to disguise the taste of spoiled meat. However, a medieval feast was as much a culinary event as it was a display of the host's vast resources and generosity, and as most nobles had a wide selection of fresh or preserved meats, fish or seafood to choose from, the use of ruinously expensive spices on cheap, rotting meat would have made little sense."

The New World
"In 1453, the Ottomans took Constantinople and so the Byzantine Empire was no more. Now in control of the sole spice trade route that existed at the time, the Ottoman Empire was in a favorable position to charge hefty taxes on merchandise bound for the west. The Western Europeans, not wanting to be dependent on a non-Christian power for the lucrative commerce with the east, set about to find an alternate sea route around Africa."

***
Throughout history, spices were just as important as gold, gems, and other precious commodities. I never realized this before. Those in control of the spice trade routes would have direct power over many other countries and civilizations. I see now why the continents outside of Europe and Asia were finally discovered -- the spices became too damn expensive and they had to get creative.

Of course, the spice trade is really why Columbus began sailing in the first place. He was trying to find a better way to obtain spices from India. Hell, he thought he reached India. Now I see why the show made this statement: as empires took control of spice trade routes, other civilizations were forced to find their own way to avoid the high taxes and prices imposed by those empires. With this exploration came the discovery of North America, the Caribbean Islands, and South America by different explorers. With these discoveries came the discovery of new routes to India, but also the discovery of new spices in general.

It's amazing to think that Columbus only stumbled upon North America because Spain was tired of paying high prices for spices.

India is still the dominator of spice production. The country produces 1.6 million tonnes of spices, which is 86% of all production in the world. Pretty impressive. No wonder Indian food has one the most complex flavor profiles of all cuisines in the world.

I love spices. Without them, life for me would be oh-so-bland. And I guess that is why spices were so important to civilizations -- because feasting was just as important. Without spices, feasts would just not be the same. I know I would not want to live life without my spice bottles, and I know I have a lot of work to do to learn about all of the flavorful spices available.

Now that I've actually took the time to think about the politics and economics of the spice trade,
I definitely will look at those bottles in my kitchen differently. Before I looked into this, spices were there to make food taste better. Now, spices are one of the most important factors in shaping the world as we know it. It's almost ridiculous to think that a spice, whether it's pepper, nutmeg, or cinnamon, could shape the world's fate. How crazy is that?

I consulted this Wikipedia page and this Wikipedia page.

It's a Flavor Orgy

I love that feeling. That indescribable rush that takes over after super delicious food touches the tongue. It's like an orgy of flavors exploded in my mouth, and each new bite brings me closer to the coveted mouth orgasm.

It doesn't happen often (enough). Delicious food is one of my passions in life, one of those things that truly can make me happy afterward. I always know it's coming to a mouth orgasm when all I want to do is "ugh" and "ooo" after each savory bite. And sometimes, I do make those sounds because it's just that frickin' good. Ungh!

This happened to me last night.

I needed dinner before my rockin' concert (The Raconteurs!) I googled the venue and then did the handy search nearby function. Hiding on the second page was R. Palate. I went to the website and looked at the happy hour menu. From the first item, I knew I was in for a treat.

Grilled cappicollo wrapped sea scallops with a pesto sauce and balsamic reduction.

My saliva glands went into overtime just thinking about that. Although I am new to the scallop world, my first introduction was positive (although they were bay scallops, which pale in comparison). Some seafood I just cannot do because of the chewy texture (clams, oysters, calamari), but now I know a scallop, when cooked right, can be delectable.

The rest of the menu looked delicious as well, but I knew the scallops would be a good test to see if that seafood was for me.

Then I perused the dinner menu, and found a wonderful little appetizer.

Philo wrapped baked brie with pears and a balsamic reduction

I knew this would be a diet buster, but baked brie is one of my favorite things ever. Especially when it comes with fruit, as the sweetness of the fruit pairs so nicely with the saltiness of the brie. Ungh!

I indulged and ordered both. I had to wait a while, but I knew that the wait would be worth it.

The plates were beautiful. The chef is bordering on brilliant, and it showed in the dishes. The scallops looked so frickin' good I could hardly stand it.

I took my first bite, and afterward let out a little "uummm." The grilled scallop had the perfect texture, and the crispy ham on the outside added a nice salty bite. The pesto sauce was present but not overwhelming. The whole dish was like a symphony of flavors, each element complimenting the next, together creating the most beautiful music in my mouth. I let out another "uummm" after I took my first bite of the brie. Oh, melty brie in crispy philo with fresh pears lining the top. Need I say more? I had to control myself so I didn't just start "oooing" and "unghing" in the restaurant. I savored each bite, let all the wonderful flavors mingle there in my mouth while my brain tried to catch up.

After I finished, it truly felt like an after sex moment. I sat there, sipping my beer, completely relaxed and completely satisfied. Aahhhh. I wonder if I was glowing...

Too Much Dihydrogen Monoxide Will Kill You. And, On Another Note, I Love My Baubellum

It's true! I just read a story about this substance. It's ALL OVER the place. There are tons of websites that talk about banning it. It's dangerous, they say. OMG. I think this actually may be a good post for zee blog Oh My God, We're All Going to Die.

Click HERE for more information (then come back, please).

Okay, okay. I should have started this blog with "I read a story about a hoax about the substance." I had to have a little fun with it. If you haven't figured it out by now, dihydrogen monoxide is an obscure name for water. It is true that you can die if you consume too much of it ... I wasn't lying there. It's funny because people fall for this sort of thing. It circulated through e-mail and is part of a Top 10 E-mail Hoax List.

The story talks about this student who asked 50 classmates to sign a petition to ban this substance -- and received 43 signatures. He then went on to do a science project entitled "How Gullible Are We?"

I'm a very gullible person, but when it comes to signing my name to something, I like to be a little in the know. I suppose it would require asking the right questions, or opting to sign the petition online after doing some research. Although, my friends have gotten me pretty good. I was convinced that Bootstrappin' existed -- which my friend explained as using leather straps during sex, although how the straps were used escape me now. He was very good at tricking me into those things. I think it took the whole day for him to finally 'fess up that he was joking. Ah, he and other friends got a good laugh out of that one.

It's easy to take what people say for truth, especially if you trust that person. I've tried to be more discerning over the years, but every once in a while I'm still caught out there.

Not trusting people can backfire too. A friend of a friend (I didn't know this guy at all) was talking about how most mammals have bones in their penises. I just couldn't fathom this, and although I said I couldn't believe it, I also had to look it up the next day. And sure enough, most mammals do have bones in their penises (it's called a baculum). Who knew?

Something else I didn't know until I looked this up: Walruses have huge baculums. They can be up to 2 feet long. And they are used for knife handles. Think about that next time you go to shank someone -- you could be holding a walrus penis bone! Manly.

Another One of Those Weird Dreams

The only time I truly remember my dreams is when I wake up during the night and then go back to sleep, only to have to wake up permantenly not too long after. These dreams are the weirdest dreams ever. This happened this morning.

I can't quite remember where I was exactly, but I ended up sitting next to a guy I have never seen before, dressed in baggy pants, sideways hat, and I think even a gold chain around his neck. I ended up entering a freestyle rapping contest with him. I have no idea why he asked me to join him, but I did.

Man, I sucked. It was the most horrible freestyling ever. He was very good, but I was horrible. I couldn't even rhyme.

I get to my last turn, as we were doing a back-and-forth type of rap, and I say something like "Fuck you!" Well, little did I know that Fuck was the only swear word not allowed in the contest. The host said since I used the forbidden word our team went from fifth to sixth. Either way, no top prizes for us.

I walk outside to my car, it looks like from some kind of mall or strip mall, and my partner hands me a HUGE nug for my efforts. It's as big as a fist.

Then my alarm goes off...

Rant No. 2: Movie Madness

Movie theaters are not how they used to be -- at all.

I almost shit when I paid 9.50 to just get into the theater. Then, the enticing snack bar was calling my name. I now know why they don't list the prices of their crappy food -- it's too freakin expensive.

I wanted popcorn because I usually indulge in popcorn at the movies. Well, the guy offered this medium soda and large popcorn deal, which I said yes to, thinking it would be about $6 or $7, and then he said it was $10. What? I exclaimed. I turned down the soda and just took the popcorn, which was $5.75 in itself. I know they must make a killing on this shit because popcorn costs very little to make and fountain soda costs very little as well.

I knew movie theater popcorn was bad, but I just found how horrifying it really is. For a MEDIUM size, it packs 1,100 calories and an artery-clogging 90 grams of fat (138% of your daily value). Just imagine what my large size packed in. I shudder just thinking about it.

Going to the big movie theaters is just not worth it anymore, unless a big movie like The Dark Knight comes out. I think the next movie I will see in the mainstream theater will be Wolverine.

Even renting a movie is expensive. Almost $5 per movie for new releases, and you get it for very few days. It sucks balls. It's almost as cheap to wait until the movie is out for a while and buy it used at one of those DVD trading places. It's even cheaper to rent the damn things off of the On Demand from cable.

Really, there are two options for watching movies: On a movie channel or at a cheap theater. Both are pretty good options. Watching a movie on a cable channel itself is NOT an option because you get 10 minutes of movie and 10 minutes of commercial throughout. Hell no.

The cheap theaters is where it's at. At least the ones in Portland. It costs $3 to get in, and the snacks are much, much cheaper too. That's cheaper than renting a damn movie from the store. And they have beer. And pizza. And wine if you're into that sort of thing. The one I went to had a popcorn and beer special for $5.75, which is the cost of one large popcorn at a mainstream theater. The pizza is reasonably priced, and they even have cheap PBR. It doesn't get much better than that.

The one right by my house plays some blockbusters and some other independent-type flicks. It's a good balance, and for the price you just can't beat it. This week they even have Monty Python!

It's too bad movie theaters have to rape their customers on prices and entice them with popcorn that will surely kill them. Although pizza and beer aren't healthy, it sure beats salty popcorn with 90 grams of fucking fat. Bleh. I'm over it.

Jumping In: Opening Pandora's Box?

I know this is probably the topic of many, many a blog, but I can't help but want to chime in as well.

Story: Student auctions virginity

I heard this on the radio last night and then read the story this morning. It's really troubling. It reminds me of Memoirs of a Geisha. Even though Memoirs was set in the early 20th Century, which is not too long ago, I have to wonder if people now will actually pay for something like that...

I doubt she will get the million she's hoping for. In these times when sex is free, and good sex can be purchased for far less than a million, why would anyone want to devirginate a woman? I suppose it could be one of those things on the To Do list, but it's probably just as easy to find a virgin than it is to pay a cool million for one.

Especially with the media all over it. I'm not sure any self respecting man would participate in this auction knowing that the media will be there, and the story of Who Bought the Virgin will hit the airwaves and pages nationwide.

This woman finds her decision "empowering." The worst part to me is she is a women's studies major. Of all the women in all the land, I would think a women's studies major would know better than this. It's very ironic. Although she sees it as empowering, probably for getting paid a lot of money for her V Card, I can't imagine, after it's all said and done, she will feel the same way.

She also talked about this being a capitalistic society, and wanting to capitalize on her virginity. This actually makes sense, I mean, we all want to capitalize on our talents to earn more money. But where do you draw the line, and how will this play out in the future? If she successfully pays off her school debts for this one-time V Card offer, what message will that send to all the other virgins out there? I wonder if this will start something, much like the Geishas, where women stay virgins to pay for college, buy a new house, etc. This could have opened Pandora's Box. The repercussions of this one decision could be tremendous.

It's funny because although this country is extremely capitalistic in nature, this goes against many of its ideals. This shows the dirty nature of capitalism, doing anything you can to get ahead and make more money. Her idea is one that is taught to us all during the course of our lives, only she's taken it to the utmost extreme. This shows that capitalism can go too far, and when it does, the results can be devastating.

I have to admit, it's a brilliant plan -- if it works. I know I wouldn't do it, but like I always say, To Each (Her) Own. Just the same, I wish her the best of luck. I hope that after the dust settles she will still be the person she was, only missing something (almost) all will miss eventually anyway. I just hope she doesn't inspire the next generation of capitalists to take advantage of their virginity as well.

I've Been Wanting to Shoot This Forever

This is another bus find, and every time it makes me laugh. I am trying to forgive the missing apostrophe in cant because I'm not even sure how those letters are stuck on there, let alone how they would get an apostrophe to stick. I finally walked by this the other day and had my camera with me, so here it is.

"All Natural"

I saw a billboard like this one every day on the bus. They finally fixed that one, but on my way home from the bar the other night I found this one.

This is hilarious. To me, there are a couple of ways to interpret this.

1) .100% = .001

2) The burger is less than (<) .100%

Even if the horribly placed period dissapeared, the burger would still be LESS THAN 100%, according to the horribly chosen symbol to point to the burger. It's just too perfect.

I Love Weird News

Weird News is certainly a joy in my life. I came across one today that was so bizarre I had to share the love. Check it out.

Drug-addicted elephant kicks habit

Poor thing. I couldn't imagine having to deal with an elephant coming off of drug withdrawls. I'm glad to read that it is recovered and going back into the wild.

Exorcizing my Nicodemons

First, I have to say I had an amazing weekend. The weather was gorgeous, and I went the whole weekend without smoking a cigarette.

I already had plans to go to Oktoberfest, and although the quitting tips say to limit drinking in your first weeks, there was no way I was going to miss it. Instead, I decided to face my Nicodemons head on and eradicate them all in one day.

The first Nicodemon: Coffee + Cigarette

This is a tough one because the first taste of coffee brings that rush to have a cig. I fought this craving, though, and successfully drank coffee without smoking a cigarette. I had a major headache (must have been my day 3 peak withdrawal), and I knew caffeine would help without taking pain killers and ruining my liver during my drink fest later. It was easier because I was walking down the sidewalk, getting ready to dance my ass off to some Outpost. Score: Me 1, Nicotine 0.

The second Nicodemon: Cigarette + Food

I suppose I had been exorcising this one all along. It's major today because I ate too much, and that bursting feeling goes away with a cigarette. I just let it ride, and told myself to eat less now that I don't have cigarettes to save me from this feeling. Score: Me 2, Nicotine 0.

The third Nicodemon: Cigarette + Beer

This is by far the most difficult exorcism of all. When I tried to quit the last few times this was always my downfall. There's this feeling you get while drinking that makes you smoke more than normal. For some reason, I didn't really get this feeling. I should have because I was sufficiently trashed, but I was fine with being just trashed and not smoking. I Phoned a Friend to keep my mouth moving, but all in all I think drinking and smoking no longer go together in my life. Score: Me 3, Nicotine 0.

I'm and all or nothing kind of chick. This is why I decided to challenge myself with all of these smoking scenarios. This is contrary to everything I read, talking about baby steps. This was especially true of drinking, and I knew it would be my biggest challenge. I did it though, and now I feel there is no turning back.

I'm trying to figure out why this has been so easy for me this time around. Maybe it's because I know I need to, maybe it's my roommate's snarky comment, maybe it's just me being tired of the Nicodemons controlling me. Whatever it is, I am very happy that I have made it this far. It hasn't really even been a week yet, so maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but I made it through some of the toughest smoking situations this weekend. From here, it only goes up.

I read a lot about quitting before I took the plunge. There is a lot of good information out there, but I think what helped me most is seeing my smoking as a drug addiction. Although it doesn't really seem like a full-blown drug addiction, nicotine is just as addictive as heroin. Seeing smoking for what it really is made me realize that cigarettes were controlling aspects of my life. I've never gotten addicted to a major "destructive" drug like meth or heroin, but I was addicted to a drug nonetheless. It seems almost weird to think of it that way, to think of smoking like I'm addicted to heroin, but that is what has helped the most. Knowing that smoking is destructive to the body in so many ways, it's expensive, and really, there isn't a point to it. The only reason I continued to smoke was to kill time, be able to go outside and take a break from work, etc. Now that I realize that this is a drug addiction and it will take time to learn to live without it, not smoking looks better each day.

It's funny because I feel better too, I almost feel more motivated. I got off the bus one stop early this morning, and I may do two stops tomorrow. I feel like now that I've broken the smoking chain, exercising will come much easier, and I know that exercising will be important to controlling the other cravings I have now. It's easy to substitute smoking with food, but that's also something to avoid. I am trying, but it's harder than I thought. I suppose gaining some weight is better than smoking, and as exercising becomes more appealing I will balance out.

So here's to a life of being smoke-free. I'm ready for it now.

It's Quittin' Time

I wrote in my blog yesterday that maybe I should quit smoking. Well, it actually sounds like a damn good idea.

I started smoking because ALL of my friends in college smoked (lame excuse No. 1). I held out my freshman year, opting instead to either sit alone upstairs and wait for them or go outside with them anyway. I think this depended on the season, as extremely cold weather was a deterrent.

Summer after freshman year one of my friends had left a Sampoerna laying around. I decided to try it out, to see what all the fuss was about. That first cigarette, walking to work, got me buzzin'. Weeee!

I really don't remember why I continued. Maybe it was the buzz, maybe it was the summer with friends who smoked. Either way, this was the beginning of my smoker's journey.

I started smoking Camel Jade Lights. I think I chose these because (of course) friends smoked them, but also the clove cigarette I started out on was pretty tasty. I smoked these Jades all summer, sitting outside enjoying the "fresh" air.

My best friend had gone home for the summer, and sure was shocked that I had started smoking in her absence. After a while, I grew tired of the menthols and went with Marlboro Reds. This (of course) was a result of my best friend's cigarette of choice.

The Reds didn't last very long. It only took a hacking cough, sore throat, and dizzy feeling while drinking to end that run. Camel Lights were a very popular cigarette in my college town, especially among friends. This became my new cigarette of choice, and it's been that way ever since.

I began smoking when I was 19 years old. I'm 25 now. That's 6 1/2 years of smoking cigarettes. Not too long of a run, but long enough for me to feel the effects.

I'm trying to remember if there were any smoking "good times." To be honest, I can't really think of any, besides feeling as though I fit in with my group. After a while, I became one of the most frequent smokers of them all.

The instances when I would smoke began to grow. I would smoke while driving, smoke after eating, smoke after smoking, smoke while drinking, smoke while caffeinating, smoke while walking, etc. The absolute best cigarette is the smoke after eating. It just makes everything feel good, especially if I eat myself into an almost food coma. Smoking and drinking come in a very close second. That will probably be the hardest to overcome, especially since the smoking ban has not gone into effect yet.

Oh, but there were smoking bad times. These mostly consist of drinking a lot and then having that last cigarette, the one you think may push you over the edge, but you do it anyway. Yea, many, many times spent hugging the porcelain because of that last cigarette. Bleh. Other bad times include killing my lungs during a cold because I couldn't last more than a day without smoking, which certainly extended my colds longer than they should have gone.

Now that I live in Portland the tables seem to have turned. My friend that I drink with does not smoke. My roommate smokes, but not that often. Another friend smokes, but I haven't seen her in ages. So really, my friend base is part of a non-smoker group now. I hope that will make this journey easier.

I do see this as a journey. I know this will be difficult, at times feel impossible. I plan on drinking this weekend and wonder if I will be able to drink and not smoke. It will be my biggest challenge to overcome, but my mindset is in the right place this time. I've tried quitting three other times, and each time I didn't really want to quit. I had friends who smoked, and we would go out drinking, and it was all over each time.

The reasons I want to quit:

1. To hopefully be rid of my migraines, or at least lessen them
2. To feel healthier
3. To improve my heart's function, as it works pretty hard right now
4. To be able to tackle a large hill without wanting to die afterward
5. To prove to myself I can overcome this addiction
6. To save some cash

Those are the big ones. I need to do this now, when I'm feeling motivated and almost rejuvenated by the thought of quitting. I'm almost excited about it, knowing that this time WILL be the time I quit. I will not give into temptation. Even when I go drinking this weekend, dammit.

I'm sure there will be more blogs to come on this.

In Love with Tom Curran

You want to know why? Because he's predicted that the Eagles will not only make it to the Super Bowl, but win it.

He's not that hot, but who cares?

*swoon*

http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/26502243/site/21683474/

Football season starts tonight. I am so fucking excited I can hardly stand it. Ugh!

Grrr: Migraines

So I had to do some Internet research because I've been having these terrible headaches. I found out they are migraines, and basically, there's nothing I can do about it.

If it isn't bad enough to be a woman and have to go through a period each month, it's also more likely to cause migraines. Not only do we have all the bloating, cramping, bleeding to deal with, it can also cause our heads to be in a vice grip. What the hell.

Other possible triggers include smoking and drinking.

This is bullshit. I mean, my two favorite vices probably add to my piercing pain on the left side of my head behind my eye. Or it could be just being a woman for god sake, having to deal with everything that comes along with it. Maybe it's when I do them at the same time. Or maybe it's just a fluke.

I've had the migraine I have now for more than 36 hours. I guess they can last up to 72 hours (um, three fucking days - He-sus).

The worst part about it is I went to bed around 8:fucking30 to try to be rid of it, and yet it remains. Even 10 hours of sleep will not kill this migraine, and now I don't know what to do.

Pills really don't work, even the special kind with caffine and two types of pain killers. Nothing seems to work, and I wonder if it's time to see a doctor. I never really had them before, but maybe in the last year or so they have become more prevalent. Just during the past two weeks I've had two.

B.S. I say.

I haven't had a cigarette in a while. This has not helped my situation, but I know having one will hurt it. I can't even phathom smoking one right now, although I am thinking about it. Damnit. Maybe I should quit.

I wonder when this will go away. Seriously.

The Universe and Everything In It

The woods in Idaho provide a good opportunity to observe thousands of visible stars, instead of the maybe 50 visible stars in the city. Laying in my lounge chair, I stared at the stars, and inevitably thoughts of the universe and creation flooded my mind.

Universe Quick Glance:

"The Universe is very large and possibly infinite in volume; the observable matter is spread over a space at least 93 billion light years across. For comparison, the diameter of a typical galaxy is only 30,000 light-years, and the typical distance between two neighboring galaxies is only 3 million light-years. As an example, our Milky Way galaxy is roughly 100,000 light years in diameter, and our nearest sister galaxy, the Andromeda Galaxy, is located roughly 2.5 million light years away."

The universe is complicated and vast. Just think about it -- the observable matter is at least 93 billion light years across. This estimate must not include any unobservable matter, which could be 93 billion light years more.

Scientists use the Big Bang Theory to explain the creation of the universe. Civilizations and religions often describe the creation of the universe through a being or deity.

"Many cultures have stories describing the creation of the world, which may be roughly grouped into common types. In one type of story, the world is born from a world egg; such stories include the Finnish epic poem Kalevala, the Chinese story of Pangu or the Indian Brahmanda Purana. In related stories, the creation is caused by a single god emanating or producing something by themselves, as in Buddhist concept of Adi-Buddha, the ancient Greek story of Gaia (Mother Earth), the Aztec goddess Coatlicue or the ancient Egyptian god Atum. In another type of story, the world is created from the union of male and female deities, as in the Maori story of Rangi and Papa. In other stories, the universe is created by crafting it from pre-existing materials, such as the corpse of a dead god - as from Tiamat in the Babylonian epic Enuma Elish or from the giant Ymir in Norse mythology – or from chaotic materials, as in Izanagi and Izanami in Japanese mythology. In another type of story, the world is created by the command of a divinity, as in the ancient Egyptian story of Ptah or the Biblical account in Genesis. In other stories, the universe emanates from fundamental principles, such as Brahman and Prakrti, or the yin and yang of the Tao."

At least in America, the concept of God creating the earth dominates. I have many issues with this account, although the perfect nature of Earth sustaining life certainly lends itself to a higher being. It seems impossible it's just a coincidence the sun is the perfect distance from the Earth to sustain life, Earth is the only known planet in this galaxy with water and plants, and living creatures live in a Circle of Life. Everything seems a little too perfect and unlike any other planet to be created alone by the Big Bang.

One thing I wonder about Genesis: Where do the dinosaurs come in? Sure, birds were created on the Fifth Day, but there is no mention of land creatures until the Six Day, the same day man was created. Also, the time gap between when dinosaurs lived and the earliest man is dated are extremely far apart.

"Dinosaurs were the dominant vertebrate animals of terrestrial ecosystems for over 160 million years, from the late Triassic period (about 230 million years ago) to the end of the Cretaceous period (65 million years ago), when most of them became extinct in the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event"

"Homo habilis lived from about 2.4 to 1.4 million years ago (mya). H. habilis, the first species of the genus Homo, evolved in South and East Africa in the late Pliocene or early Pleistocene, 2.5 – 2 mya, when it diverged from the Australopithecines."

Okay, I suppose this is where our evolution from primates comes in (primates date back to 85 to 65 million years ago, depending on who you ask). This does not explain the time gap between when the dinosaurs lived and the first indications of man in the Bible (except for the lovely theory of evolution). Could God have traveled the universe, searching for the perfect planet until he stumbled upon Earth? Maybe that's how the dinosaurs died -- God wanted their planet.

An explanation easier for me to swallow is that the Bible was created by a civilization to teach lessons, as many civilizations have used oral storytelling to describe moral behavior. Maybe its only purpose is to provide people who believe with something to look forward to and learn from (although this moral thing can be either taken too far or not far enough, as many Christians do not live what I consider to be a moral life or use the Bible to inhibit certain behaviors or beliefs).

It seems amazing that a creature other than man dominated this earth for millions of years, and then other creatures before him for millions of years. Man finally shows up in his most primitive form after the Earth had been inhabited only by animals for more than 200 million years.

Even though evolution is looking pretty good right now, I would consider myself spiritual. I believe in a higher power. I believe there is only one higher power, and that each civilization has created an equivalent to it. Each of these beliefs is valid, as the higher power encompasses them all. I do not believe in assigning this higher power with a name. Each person has a right to believe in whatever higher power (s)he chooses, and anyone who refuses that right is most certainly in the wrong. There are religions out there I think are crazy, but it always goes back to my life motto: To Each His Own.

I also believe it is naive to think we are the only creatures with higher intelligence in the whole universe. I go back to the 93 million light years statement and have a hard time truly believing we are the only ones out there. There may even be living creatures in the next closest galaxies, Andromeda and Triangulum. For them, contact with us could be only years away, if they haven't figured it out already. I mean, 2.5 to 3 million light years away is certainly difficult to traverse, and us humans are extremely far away from discovering it.

"The Andromeda Galaxy is a spiral galaxy approximately 2.5 million light-years away in the constellation Andromeda. It is the nearest spiral galaxy to our own.
Andromeda is the largest galaxy of the Local Group, which consists of the Andromeda Galaxy, the Milky Way Galaxy, the Triangulum Galaxy, and about 30 other smaller galaxies.
The Andromeda Galaxy is approaching the Sun at about 186 miles per second, so it is one of the few blue shifted galaxies. Given the motion of the Solar System inside the Milky Way, one finds that the Andromeda Galaxy and the Milky Way are approaching one another at a speed of 62 to 87 miles per second. The impact is predicted to occur in about 2.5 billion years."

More and more I think about what I truly believe. It's hard to pin down when you don't believe in an organized story/religion/fable. I have my own ideas about what my higher being would be, and I wonder if anyone else out there thinks the same thing. It may be more of a theory/idea/crazy thought, something I'm not sure I believe wholeheartedly but the idea is believable (at least to me).

This is what my religion would look like.

The Higher Being travels the universe to the millions of galaxies out there at will. The Higher Being goes to galaxies in search of livable planets and creates experiments. There are many different experiments, first with animals to ensure the planet will sustain life, then with man. The Higher Being creates man in different ways with different senses of freedom and knowledge. When creating something with free will, it is difficult to control it afterward, so some of these experiments include a control on free will, or no free will at all. There are thousands of these experiments throughout the universe, some of them more successful than others. Some planets are dead already, some are on their way, and others are thriving. The Higher Being will continue these experiments until it finds the combination for the perfect existence. Those of us on Earth will never know if the Higher Being has achieved this or not because we are a failed experiment. The way man is going now, life will no longer exist before any other factor from the universe comes into play (sun burning out, meteor pummeling earth, etc.) Too much free will is a recipe for disaster.

To be honest, I don't really believe in anything when it comes to creation. I have a hard time putting stock in any one idea, even my own religion I just created above. This comes from examining every side of the story, seeing ideas from each angle in order to understand where people are coming from. No matter what religion I believed in, there would always be something that didn't add up because science has provided evidence against it. I guess science is one thing I can believe in because it always has proof to back up its ideas. Science is something I can put stock in. And really, to me the only theory that makes any bit of sense is evolution because the numbers add up. The dinosaurs rule the earth for more than 160 years, then some event kills the land-bound ones off around 65 million years ago. Primates either survive this change, or evolve after the change, first dating to 65 (or 85) million years ago. Then, for more than 60 million years, primates and other animals evolve into better species and finally, around 2 million years ago, the first dating of primitive man comes along. According to artifacts found on the earth, there were many different species of man, which suggests that humans also evolved into what we are today. I think 60 years would be plenty of time for man to evolve from a primate into a basic being like Homo habilis and Homo erectus. Man is actually a member of the order Primate.

I don't remember ever learning about this in school, probably because the Creationism vs. Evolution debate rages on. Or maybe I did and the details slipped my mind. I feel as though I am closer to believing in something as a result of Science. I am not closer to believing in something as a result of a Creator.

Source: Wikipedia. See links for more information.

The Long Ride Home

The trip home is 6 hours -- but it works out to be 7 hours there and 5 hours back.

The view on the trip home is amazing each time. The scenery begins to change around that dividing line in Oregon, somewhere after Pendleton. Tree walls line the freeway, an indication that the Columbia is just miles away from sight.

I always wonder what is behind those tree walls. What could they possibly be protecting, besides the obvious crop or two. New trees are growing, indicating that more protection is necessary.

The trees pass and then there's a glimmer of the river near Boardman. The railroad track acts as a baracade to the sight line of the river until the moment.

The road winds along, rising and falling, the river still hidden behind hills, until it crests and reveals the Columbia River as the road dives down and approaches it's long journey parallel with it. It feels like the dullness before it has parted and has again invoked the Portland spirit present only in Western Oregon. I never remember which hill it is, so each time the scene is a suprise. It's also unique, as the time of day dictates it's look.

The scene is always beautiful, but today it reached breathtaking.

The river looked like frosted glass, not sparkling like usual but glimmering with a million tiny dots. At times the water was bright white from this effect.

The bright white Columbia was a stark contrast to the blue Mount Hood. The mountain's usual majesty was lost without it's white cap. Small patches of white clung to the sides, but the cap remained bare, making it look almost lost in the skyline. The postcard image was inverted, and had all the usual parts except the white Mount Hood.

I had Ani DiFranco playing, and for some reason it was the perfect soundtrack to this scene. Each song's rhythm and tone fit the scene's personality, which is ever-changing as the road winds along.

The moments where the river sparkled like glitter. The cliff's shade creating midnight blue and sea foam green. The sailboat with a flacid sail despite the whipping wind. The wind and kite surfers, blazing their wake trails, barely noticable from the road. The large nest on a light pole, two falcons perched nearby.

I felt like this was the first time I opened my eyes and took notes, trying to remember the magic so I can re-create it at any time. Driving and taking notes of the scenery may not be the best idea, but it only took a second to record each moment.

The only other time that tops this would be sunset, as the yellows, reds, purples, and oranges blend together in the water, rippling along with the small waves. I will never forget that moment when I came over that hill and saw the Columbia illuminated in sunset colors, the sky blazing just the same.

It's moments like these that make other not-so-great moments melt away.