Rant No. 2: Movie Madness

Movie theaters are not how they used to be -- at all.

I almost shit when I paid 9.50 to just get into the theater. Then, the enticing snack bar was calling my name. I now know why they don't list the prices of their crappy food -- it's too freakin expensive.

I wanted popcorn because I usually indulge in popcorn at the movies. Well, the guy offered this medium soda and large popcorn deal, which I said yes to, thinking it would be about $6 or $7, and then he said it was $10. What? I exclaimed. I turned down the soda and just took the popcorn, which was $5.75 in itself. I know they must make a killing on this shit because popcorn costs very little to make and fountain soda costs very little as well.

I knew movie theater popcorn was bad, but I just found how horrifying it really is. For a MEDIUM size, it packs 1,100 calories and an artery-clogging 90 grams of fat (138% of your daily value). Just imagine what my large size packed in. I shudder just thinking about it.

Going to the big movie theaters is just not worth it anymore, unless a big movie like The Dark Knight comes out. I think the next movie I will see in the mainstream theater will be Wolverine.

Even renting a movie is expensive. Almost $5 per movie for new releases, and you get it for very few days. It sucks balls. It's almost as cheap to wait until the movie is out for a while and buy it used at one of those DVD trading places. It's even cheaper to rent the damn things off of the On Demand from cable.

Really, there are two options for watching movies: On a movie channel or at a cheap theater. Both are pretty good options. Watching a movie on a cable channel itself is NOT an option because you get 10 minutes of movie and 10 minutes of commercial throughout. Hell no.

The cheap theaters is where it's at. At least the ones in Portland. It costs $3 to get in, and the snacks are much, much cheaper too. That's cheaper than renting a damn movie from the store. And they have beer. And pizza. And wine if you're into that sort of thing. The one I went to had a popcorn and beer special for $5.75, which is the cost of one large popcorn at a mainstream theater. The pizza is reasonably priced, and they even have cheap PBR. It doesn't get much better than that.

The one right by my house plays some blockbusters and some other independent-type flicks. It's a good balance, and for the price you just can't beat it. This week they even have Monty Python!

It's too bad movie theaters have to rape their customers on prices and entice them with popcorn that will surely kill them. Although pizza and beer aren't healthy, it sure beats salty popcorn with 90 grams of fucking fat. Bleh. I'm over it.