It's Quittin' Time

I wrote in my blog yesterday that maybe I should quit smoking. Well, it actually sounds like a damn good idea.

I started smoking because ALL of my friends in college smoked (lame excuse No. 1). I held out my freshman year, opting instead to either sit alone upstairs and wait for them or go outside with them anyway. I think this depended on the season, as extremely cold weather was a deterrent.

Summer after freshman year one of my friends had left a Sampoerna laying around. I decided to try it out, to see what all the fuss was about. That first cigarette, walking to work, got me buzzin'. Weeee!

I really don't remember why I continued. Maybe it was the buzz, maybe it was the summer with friends who smoked. Either way, this was the beginning of my smoker's journey.

I started smoking Camel Jade Lights. I think I chose these because (of course) friends smoked them, but also the clove cigarette I started out on was pretty tasty. I smoked these Jades all summer, sitting outside enjoying the "fresh" air.

My best friend had gone home for the summer, and sure was shocked that I had started smoking in her absence. After a while, I grew tired of the menthols and went with Marlboro Reds. This (of course) was a result of my best friend's cigarette of choice.

The Reds didn't last very long. It only took a hacking cough, sore throat, and dizzy feeling while drinking to end that run. Camel Lights were a very popular cigarette in my college town, especially among friends. This became my new cigarette of choice, and it's been that way ever since.

I began smoking when I was 19 years old. I'm 25 now. That's 6 1/2 years of smoking cigarettes. Not too long of a run, but long enough for me to feel the effects.

I'm trying to remember if there were any smoking "good times." To be honest, I can't really think of any, besides feeling as though I fit in with my group. After a while, I became one of the most frequent smokers of them all.

The instances when I would smoke began to grow. I would smoke while driving, smoke after eating, smoke after smoking, smoke while drinking, smoke while caffeinating, smoke while walking, etc. The absolute best cigarette is the smoke after eating. It just makes everything feel good, especially if I eat myself into an almost food coma. Smoking and drinking come in a very close second. That will probably be the hardest to overcome, especially since the smoking ban has not gone into effect yet.

Oh, but there were smoking bad times. These mostly consist of drinking a lot and then having that last cigarette, the one you think may push you over the edge, but you do it anyway. Yea, many, many times spent hugging the porcelain because of that last cigarette. Bleh. Other bad times include killing my lungs during a cold because I couldn't last more than a day without smoking, which certainly extended my colds longer than they should have gone.

Now that I live in Portland the tables seem to have turned. My friend that I drink with does not smoke. My roommate smokes, but not that often. Another friend smokes, but I haven't seen her in ages. So really, my friend base is part of a non-smoker group now. I hope that will make this journey easier.

I do see this as a journey. I know this will be difficult, at times feel impossible. I plan on drinking this weekend and wonder if I will be able to drink and not smoke. It will be my biggest challenge to overcome, but my mindset is in the right place this time. I've tried quitting three other times, and each time I didn't really want to quit. I had friends who smoked, and we would go out drinking, and it was all over each time.

The reasons I want to quit:

1. To hopefully be rid of my migraines, or at least lessen them
2. To feel healthier
3. To improve my heart's function, as it works pretty hard right now
4. To be able to tackle a large hill without wanting to die afterward
5. To prove to myself I can overcome this addiction
6. To save some cash

Those are the big ones. I need to do this now, when I'm feeling motivated and almost rejuvenated by the thought of quitting. I'm almost excited about it, knowing that this time WILL be the time I quit. I will not give into temptation. Even when I go drinking this weekend, dammit.

I'm sure there will be more blogs to come on this.